A Decade of Marriage

A Decade of Marriage

I have been married for a decade! Yes, you heard me right 10 years! Well actually December 7th will be the day the decade will come.  Where did the time go? This is such an accomplishment in this day and age! How many people do you know have been married that long?

As I look back to the last 10 years I feel so blessed to have spent this time growing with someone I love so much.  You can learn a lot in a decade! Marriage is hard, really hard.

Don’t keep tally of what each person is doing.

Trying to make sure you keep track of what your spouse is doing to help around the house is going to make you not see what they are doing. Keeping count of the things being done will only get you mad over the things that aren’t being finished.

I have learned to appreciate all the things my husband does. There was a time that I would be so mad because I worked, came home to make dinner, did the dishes ,put dinner away and then be mad the rest of the night at him because he thought it would be OK that he just come home and sit down. At the time this was happening I overlooked the times he rolled around on the ground with the kids wrestling, I wouldn’t have done that. I over looked the homework help, I wasn’t very good at that. I overlooked the garbage he took out, my car he cleaned out. The laundry in my dresser I didn’t fold.

I overlooked everything he did for me, I took him for granted. Even though I know how to change a tire, I am lucky enough to not have to. In this world women can do anything men can do, but it sure is nice to know, I don’t have move boxes, if anything is heavy I have someone to help me do it. Over the decade I have learned that I can do it all by myself, but it is much nicer to have such a person to lean on.

Your marriage will break

Times will get tough! You will hate your spouse! When you first get married you would never think that such a thing could happen, but it will. You will want to run, shit, I still want to some days. Hold on though, tight, show up when you don’t want to. Talk even when you have nothing to say. Cry if you have to. Be honest and talk, if the communication is gone you can’t work on a broken marriage. Everything broken can be fixed, just keep trying.

History repeats itself, so do arguments

Whatever problems you had when you first got married will be the same problems you see 10 years later. Problems don’t change, people change. People grow, they learn how to deal with issues better, wisdom comes with age, but the same annoying things that started arguments when you first were married are still there a decade later.

Distance makes the heart grow fonder

This is a new lesson for us! We were that couple, we lived with each other within months of dating and never left each other sides. We loved every minute of it actually, we did everything together. Grocery shopped, went to bed at the same time, same friends, same parties. There wasn’t a problem with it at all. Until there was. Until there was a moment that we needed to breath. There was a moment that the space should have been there long before it was. it seemed to change over night, but it wasn’t over night. It was years of doing everything together.

You have to grow as a person to grow as couple. If there is only space to grow a couple your never going to go grow as a person. I am still so very proud to share with the world that in 10 years of marriage we have only slept away from each other less then 10 times, and two of those times were because I was having our children.  He is still my best friend, still the only person I want to spend every minute with, but sometimes minutes alone are nice too!

Money means nothing

Don’t argue about it, either you have it or you don’t, but you will always need it. Arguing about it won’t fix a thing. Money comes and goes. Talk about it, don’t hide it from each other. Share it. Your building a life together,  that takes love, patience and kindness, not money.

Kiss goodbye

Every goodbye needs a goodbye kiss! Every hello should have a kiss to, but a goodbye needs one. You never know how long the goodbye is for!

Have Sex!

Every marriage needs it! If your not having it, your marriage is broken. This is the bond that is only between you two. This is the moments that no one is going to take,without sex your just roommates! Sex connects you in a way nothing else can. This is the time for the secrets you only share with your spouse, The most intimate part of our lives that we share with our partner.

Its your marriage, don’t compare it to others!

You don’t know what other marriages have gone through, you don’t know the struggles that have been overcome.  With social media in everyone life, no one is posting pictures of the arguments, the sadness, the troubles in marriage, All everyone sees is the happiness. By focusing on what other marriages have, your losing sight of what is making your marriage good.

I remember being so excited to have made it to a year of a marriage, now a decade later I can’t believe it. Aaron and I got married at the court house. It was perfect a day just for us. Winston Churchill married us! Not kidding, it says it right on the marriage certificate! Aaron dropped the ring, I giggled, I couldn’t believe it was really happening. We had talked about it over the years what it would be like to have a real wedding, maybe at 5 years, 10 years! Well those years are gone and I have learned that I had a real wedding, I have a real marriage. We have been married a decade. I wouldn’t chose anyone else to spend another decade with. With out him, I am not me. Marriage is hard, but keep loving them, and the easy moments will shine through!

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31 thoughts on “A Decade of Marriage

  1. I’m coming up on my seventh wedding anniversary. Time moves quickly and people change, the key to accept the person you are with for what they are, as they do for you.

    Happy Anniversary.

  2. Wonderful post! These days it’s all about having fun, being yourself, and doing your own thing. I love that this post is about marriage, unity, and love. People are so quick to call it quits these days… marriage is a lifelong commitment! We are coming up on 8 years next Spring and I couldn’t imagine giving up on my husband. <3

  3. oh man this is so great! It makes me happy to read stuff like this. I’m 34 and not married and seem to be the one everyone goes to for their marriage advice, and I’m over here like, ‘how the hell do I know’ – but still try to be a good friend and offer something. So thank you for the advice 🙂 I will refer them to your blog should they need more, lol.

  4. I love this post. I never understood when people said that marriage is work. After being married for 7 years, I get it. I think its natural for people to take those closest to us for granted. You are right, I need to focus on what he is doing instead of what he is doing. Thank you!

  5. Congratulations on this milestone. Your tips are great and should be taken by everyone who wants to maintain their marriage. Married IS work and required a lot of attention and effort. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Jan,
    Thank you for this article and congratulations. You have touched on some of the most important issues regarding marriage. A major problem is that people do not have an understanding of marriage before entering into it. Their understandings of marriage are those lovely pictures they see on TV. The idealization of marriage is one of the major issues of marriage. Many times I have intervened in marriages because the husband or the wife continues to live the life of “I can do what whatever I like”. Then there is finance. Once, a wife said of her husband: Why should I contribute to the house upkeep? You are the husband. That is his job!” The interesting is she makes as much money as the husband. Marriage is challenging and I think it is important for would be couples to attend some marriage counseling before setting out on this journey of a lifetime. They also have to read this article.

  7. Ashley says:

    Your post is spot on. However, instead of saying that a marriage will break I choose to believe it bends. When its broken in my opinion it isn’t fixable, but when it bends, it’s under pressure and isn’t pleasant, but it can always be mended. Just a different word choice 😉

  8. So awesome. Congratulations!
    Every marriage has ups n downs and its amazing when we reach tge light at the end of the tunnel togetger – hand in hand!

  9. Nikki G - lifelovelychaos.com says:

    This cannot be any more true! Marriage is HARD! We are nearing our 8 year anniversary. We have been through so much together. I always think back to his time in service and remember being apart more than together during our first 3 years of marriage. I’ve watched so many friends divorce and it has showed me that somehow, someway… we have a strength like no other and a determination to love each other unconditionally. It remains quite an adventure!

  10. Congratulations on 10yrs. Your article is pretty spot on to how I see marriage and I could have so written some parts of this myself from my life experiences.

    Look forward to reading your 20year article.

  11. Aww, love the pictures! 🙂 Congrats on the decade mark! Great post and such important tips – communication is a key foundational ingredient to any successful marriage. I’ve had two failed marriages, unfortunately, but the current one definitely feels like a keeper. We’ve been married for 11 1/2 years after meeting 14 1/2 years ago through online dating!

    In answer to your question – my parents were married for over 40 years before my dad passed away in 2002. I know many people who have been married for over 10 years, including many of my old college classmates from the 1970s and 1980s, who met in college and married while attending or right after graduation. So they are now celebrating 30-40+ years of marriage! My middle sister and brother-in-law also just celebrated their 45th (or so) anniversary, as they also met and married while in college WAY back then!

  12. This ia am awesome read. I love your advice that your marriage will break. This is something I learnt recently, too. 2016 was a hard year, i thought about leaving many times. Im so happy I didn’t. We are closer than ever now in an entirely different way. Its a deep feeling of caring. These years of our lives are the chaotic ones (young kids taking up lots of our time leaving us tired busy no chance for alone time, moneys tight etc) we cant control that , its part of raising kids. I often think about what it will be like in anotger 10 years when theyre older and we can focus on each other more often and I look forward to it. I know we are there for each other through thick and thin.

  13. Brought tears to my eyes. Be blessed and stay together until the end. I am yet to go down that road. It sounds scary as hell.

  14. Long-lasting marriages are hard, I’ve definitely heard this. I think the main thing is that you both need to want to stay together and not just leave over the less important things. Also, let go of the need to be right all the time 🙂

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