A Decade of Marriage
I have been married for a decade! Yes, you heard me right 10 years! Well actually December 7th will be the day the decade will come. Where did the time go? This is such an accomplishment in this day and age! How many people do you know have been married that long?
As I look back to the last 10 years I feel so blessed to have spent this time growing with someone I love so much. You can learn a lot in a decade! Marriage is hard, really hard.
Don’t keep tally of what each person is doing.
Trying to make sure you keep track of what your spouse is doing to help around the house is going to make you not see what they are doing. Keeping count of the things being done will only get you mad over the things that aren’t being finished.
I have learned to appreciate all the things my husband does. There was a time that I would be so mad because I worked, came home to make dinner, did the dishes ,put dinner away and then be mad the rest of the night at him because he thought it would be OK that he just come home and sit down. At the time this was happening I overlooked the times he rolled around on the ground with the kids wrestling, I wouldn’t have done that. I over looked the homework help, I wasn’t very good at that. I overlooked the garbage he took out, my car he cleaned out. The laundry in my dresser I didn’t fold.
I overlooked everything he did for me, I took him for granted. Even though I know how to change a tire, I am lucky enough to not have to. In this world women can do anything men can do, but it sure is nice to know, I don’t have move boxes, if anything is heavy I have someone to help me do it. Over the decade I have learned that I can do it all by myself, but it is much nicer to have such a person to lean on.
Your marriage will break
Times will get tough! You will hate your spouse! When you first get married you would never think that such a thing could happen, but it will. You will want to run, shit, I still want to some days. Hold on though, tight, show up when you don’t want to. Talk even when you have nothing to say. Cry if you have to. Be honest and talk, if the communication is gone you can’t work on a broken marriage. Everything broken can be fixed, just keep trying.
History repeats itself, so do arguments
Whatever problems you had when you first got married will be the same problems you see 10 years later. Problems don’t change, people change. People grow, they learn how to deal with issues better, wisdom comes with age, but the same annoying things that started arguments when you first were married are still there a decade later.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder
This is a new lesson for us! We were that couple, we lived with each other within months of dating and never left each other sides. We loved every minute of it actually, we did everything together. Grocery shopped, went to bed at the same time, same friends, same parties. There wasn’t a problem with it at all. Until there was. Until there was a moment that we needed to breath. There was a moment that the space should have been there long before it was. it seemed to change over night, but it wasn’t over night. It was years of doing everything together.
You have to grow as a person to grow as couple. If there is only space to grow a couple your never going to go grow as a person. I am still so very proud to share with the world that in 10 years of marriage we have only slept away from each other less then 10 times, and two of those times were because I was having our children. He is still my best friend, still the only person I want to spend every minute with, but sometimes minutes alone are nice too!
Money means nothing
Don’t argue about it, either you have it or you don’t, but you will always need it. Arguing about it won’t fix a thing. Money comes and goes. Talk about it, don’t hide it from each other. Share it. Your building a life together, that takes love, patience and kindness, not money.
Every goodbye needs a goodbye kiss! Every hello should have a kiss to, but a goodbye needs one. You never know how long the goodbye is for!
Every marriage needs it! If your not having it, your marriage is broken. This is the bond that is only between you two. This is the moments that no one is going to take,without sex your just roommates! Sex connects you in a way nothing else can. This is the time for the secrets you only share with your spouse, The most intimate part of our lives that we share with our partner.
Its your marriage, don’t compare it to others!
You don’t know what other marriages have gone through, you don’t know the struggles that have been overcome. With social media in everyone life, no one is posting pictures of the arguments, the sadness, the troubles in marriage, All everyone sees is the happiness. By focusing on what other marriages have, your losing sight of what is making your marriage good.
I remember being so excited to have made it to a year of a marriage, now a decade later I can’t believe it. Aaron and I got married at the court house. It was perfect a day just for us. Winston Churchill married us! Not kidding, it says it right on the marriage certificate! Aaron dropped the ring, I giggled, I couldn’t believe it was really happening. We had talked about it over the years what it would be like to have a real wedding, maybe at 5 years, 10 years! Well those years are gone and I have learned that I had a real wedding, I have a real marriage. We have been married a decade. I wouldn’t chose anyone else to spend another decade with. With out him, I am not me. Marriage is hard, but keep loving them, and the easy moments will shine through!